I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
