I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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