My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Randomize
