saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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