dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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