porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
