I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
