i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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