OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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