I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Randomize
