So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
