11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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