but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
