I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
