You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We are two peas in an std pod
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
