3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
