if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
