they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
