Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
