Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
