Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
