The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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