Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
