Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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