Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
