Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
