Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
