Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
We have started to decorate penises.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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