my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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