Buhtt sex?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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