Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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