And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
