Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
