bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
