NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
