Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
