we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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