If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
