Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
