I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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