I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
