You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
