We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
