I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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