this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
