OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
