Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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