So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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