Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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