i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
