I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I supernannyed him into submission
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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