i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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