i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
