Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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