i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize