He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
