I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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