Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize