I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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