Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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