Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
