I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize