11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Sponge bath it is.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
