i think my mom watched the whole time
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
