She said her name was "party"
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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