he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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