Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
