so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You smell like stripper and shame
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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