It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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