in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
