I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
