lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Bring me that man meat
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
