I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
