No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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