Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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