Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
